Weekend Festivities

My Mother: Outside Lands? Great. Try not to pass out on the street corner you drunk.
Me: I can only hope.

hope to see you all there!

Upgrade

Strolling though the local Filipino market Tanforan Shopping Center yesterday, i could not help but look over and see a woman getting her hair cut. at a salon. in a mall. really? you could not go to a real salon? i mean Supercuts would be better than a half beauty parlor stuck between a Wet Seal and an Auntie Anne's Pretzels.that woman made me think: why not upgrade? there are many things in our lives that we can get away with buying brand named or generic. white tshirts, domestic light beer, socks in packs, vodka (only after 4 glasses of something else of course). but there are things that you NEED to pay more for. here are some that come to mind...

1. bikini wax (need i explain?)
2. tequila (a tequila hangover is a tequila hangover, but it can be a hellava lot better without a plastic handle)
3. coloring your hair (because no one wants to be Ariel once that dye job runs out. i should know.) (and dont do it in a mall)
4. underwear (im not saying we can only wear Cosabella but when the time comes to have a wet hug and you have on some old cotton garbage like undies on circa Limited Too, the guy with you will be scared forever. FOR-EVERRR. dont believe him when he says they are cute. they arent. now go to VS and get yourself some grown up pairs.
5. sushi (duh. its fish.)

got any other good ones? let me know. ill put it in my manifesto to the president. :-)

partner let me upgrade u -Queen B

Independence to Drink

I wish you all an amazing 4th. i never really got this holiday... my bestie L kept telling me for years that it was her favorite holiday and i never got it. why? their is no holiday mascot. no presents. only 1 day off from work. but then it hit me when i started drinking. i get it L! its the BOOZING that makes the holiday amazing. how was i so naive? i have learned my lesson and hope you have too. never underestimate the power of an American holiday when alcohol is involved. so have a great 4th. and please so at least 5 of the following:

1. get drunk and dedicate each drink to a different president

2. make out with a random with more tattoos than original american colonies

3. light some fireworks. dont sing katy perry.
4. make out with another stranger (must be an american. no exceptions)

5. wear a flag as a cape all weekend (thats for you L)

6. eat a hot dog (see below)

7. listen/sing along to tom petty, bruce, or anything country on repeat

8. have the best fucking 4th of july ever!!!!!

this one's for you abe...

Quarter Life Crisis is the New Black

1. Oprah is off the air.
2. My esthetician is pregnant and not working, leaving me lost.
3. And someone just ate the last bag of Cheddar and Sour Cream chips from the machine.

Results: Quarter Life Crisis

Oh and my job seriously blows. this all is adding up to what i like to call my Quarter Life Crisis. i cant be the only one right? there must be more of us almost 25 year olds that are going through this... right? and why is this happening? it seems like we are the first generation that this is plaguing. our parents were all married and popping out mini vans full of little people by now. today, we are barely living pay check to pay check, holding onto crummy slave indentured servant assistant jobs, buying sale items at Trador Joes (cuz we are THAT cheap). when does this hell end?

well im about to be 25 next month and im telling you that this cycle is ending. im not gonna start swallowing Xanax to get through my 9-5 job. its time for change. time to go after the good stuff. i want a life where my job is enjoyable, my bills paid, and that fancy cheese that i like always stocked in my fridge! boo yah Quarter Life Crisis. You are NOT the new black. you are like beige. or mauve. or mustard. yes, ugly dirty mustard. and i look awful in mustard.

warning sign: im on a mission to crush this crisis. fml its gonna be tough....

Happy Weekend!

Go out there and enjoy what Ms.Black lives by. Join me in NB or in SJ for BritBrit. Whatever you do, take these wise words with you. From the bottom of my Gleek heart...

"So, just remember, when you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with. And everybody's got a random."

its time to paaaaarrrtaayyy!



Oh Rebecca Black, how you captured all of my feelings into one song.. Its Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday.... angelic really.

Skin Cocktail

So this title just made me laugh out loud in my cubicle.... had to post it.

Just talking with my lovely sissy, i was telling her about my favorite way to get a bronzed beach body like Gisele without smelling like cat piss and McDonalds. we all know thats was fake tanner smells like and no one is going to 1) meet their future husband, 2) keep their current bf, or 3) find a hottie with a body to have a wet hug with [ie sex] if they smell like that.

so my bronzing skin cocktail (god that still makes me laugh) is simple. for a night of tan skin, head to Walgreen's and buy a cheap liquid foundation. i like Covergirl Clean Normal Skin Makeup (http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/covergirl-clean-normal-skin-makeup/ID=prod6016767-product ) two shade darker than your normal color and mix it with regular body lotion. its simple, cheap, and wont wipe off on your sheets clothes. instant bronzing skin cocktail! and i promise the people around you wont ask if you got ketchup with those fries. so WARNING SIGN: make it easier for everyone. use this trick, k?

now....put the lotion in the basket...

This is going to be awkward...

I have just come across the most amazing website. No, its not free porn (sorry arlau). Let's just say if i were to be a website, well other than this one of course, then i would be this: http://thisisgoingtobeawkward.com/ The site lets you anonymously post shit like "good luck with that venereal disease" or "your cubicle smells like farts" without having that somewhat guilty feeling annoying coworker/friend make you feel bad. please, take a second to look. it really will make you laugh. here is a good one...

somewhere regina george is smiling..... :-)